Mad at God

Around 25 years ago I found myself walking down a simple road in the Virginia country side. It was raining and I was getting soaking wet but I didn’t care. My lack of care about getting soaking wet was birthed out of my strong sense of anger and frustration I felt, and regardless of the weather I was going to have it out with God.

There is more I will say regarding this story later, but for the moment I want to ask you how you responded to my statement, “I was going to have it out with God.” Whenever I tell this story, people have a number of different responses: shock, wonder, it is not possible, how could you, to mention just a few. I know that many religious people find that the possibility of being angry with God is some kind of mortal sin, but the fact remains that on that day I was angry with God. Many of us do get angry with God and struggle with how He works in our lives.

So, what do you do? You are confused, scared, angry, and you have nowhere to go and no one to blame; you are too ashamed to express your anger to someone because you’re not sure if they will understand. In your desperateness you turn to some memory of what a religious person once said about God being perfect and that you should never question Him. So partly out of fear, partly out of frustration you give up and stuff your emotions in some sort of personally foreign religious exercise and try to move on.

Now more from my own experience in a Virginia rain storm. As I walked down this road, I found myself struggling with how I wanted to express myself. I did not want to offend God, but I could not deny how I felt. It did not take long before I just finally said, “Well God, here it comes and if it comes out rough I hope you understand.” At that point I let loose with all of the frustration, anger and hurt I was feeling, I did not try to hide the fact that I thought He had not been fair and that I deserved better, (I think you get the drift of my conversation). As I continued to walk down the road, I came to the place where I had nothing else I wanted to say, nothing else to complain about, and nothing else to justify.

At this point I found myself standing by a stream that was beginning to overflow as a result of the rain, and I could not go any further. As I stood looking at the stream I realized that my heart was overwhelmed by the sense of God’s presence. I felt that if I would look over my shoulder, He would be standing there, and if I would just keep my mouth shut He might have something to say to me.

As I stood there, a gentle but firm thought entered my mind, “Are you done?” My response was a little sheepish, but it was flavored with a sense of confidence as I said, “Yes”. Then, more silence; I thought to myself “oh man, I am in trouble.” After a moment or two my heart and mind were flooded with the sweet understanding that I was deeply loved, accepted and appreciated because for the first time in my life as a Christian I had been really honest with God.

There was more I felt that God was speaking to me that day, but the big lesson for me was about being honest with God. So often I hear people say that they don’t like Christians because they are all a bunch of hypocrites. There is, unfortunately, some truth to that criticism. We Christians often try to present ourselves and our relationship with God in the best possible light, but in that process we sacrifice simple honesty and maybe that is what our critics are more offended by.

If our critics are accurate, perhaps we need to see those tense moments with God as an effort by God to get us to be honest with Him. How does God feel about that? I believe that we can get a glimpse of how He feels in one of the most powerful stories in the bible regarding this issue of honesty. It is found in John 8:1-12. Let me give you a quick overview of the story; (I recommend that you find a bible and read the whole of the story so that you can get the full impact).

The religious of Jesus day have a woman brought before them charged with the crime of adultery; in their religious arrogance they use this woman to try and trap this radical Rabbi called Jesus. As the story goes, they bring this woman before Him and state the charge of adultery and that the Law of Moses says that she should be stoned. Let’s stop there for a moment; Where was the man who committed adultery with this woman? Shouldn’t he also be brought up on the charges of adultery? A question for another time, perhaps.

Going back to our story, Jesus does not respond to them immediately but stoops to the ground and writes something with his finger. It is here that many have speculated as to what Jesus wrote. I have personally wondered about that, but I believe the Holy Spirit is trying to make a far more important point. This story is not about what Jesus wrote on the ground but about a person; this woman who, by her choices in life, now faces the reality of those consequences in her life. Death is a sure reality; she knew what the Law had to say about adultery, and those standing before her were confirming the truth by calling for her to die as the Law according to Moses said she should.

After the humiliation of the procession of accusers, she now stands before this radical Rabbi and thinks, That’s it, I am going to die. My whole life has been one sad story after another; there is nothing more to hide, excuse or to ignore. In the midst of her tears, fears and racing thoughts she hears this Rabbi ask a question of the group standing and accusing her; the noise of the accusations dies down to an almost haunting silence. What was that he asked? “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.” She wanted to look up to see the response of the accusers, but the shame of her sin was too much of a weight on her head. A moment later she hears the sound of stones being drop and the shuffle of feet moving away from her. In her panic stricken thinking she wonders what is happening and why are they leaving.

In the midst of the fog of the events, she hears another question, “Where are your accusers? Is there no one to condemn you?” She looks at Jesus and says there is none, and then she hears words that will resound in her life forever. “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Jesus walks away and she stands there in bewilderment and very much alive.

The point of the story is, the woman had to face her life honestly because the consequences of her past were upon her. Jesus’ question to the crowd used the memories of all in attendance that day to show that none is righteous, no not one.

Honesty can have a penetrating effect on our lives if we will let it. The problem is we won’t let it. Our pride keeps us in a comfortable delusion where reality is kept at a distance or so we think. Here is where we begin to see the intimate work of God our Father allowing circumstances to so move upon on us that we are forced to consider the true reality of our lives and this gets us MAD, d_ _ _ MAD. Why would a loving God want me to move out of my comfortable delusion? The answer is simple, you were created for relationship with God and your fellowman. Bad things do happen to good people. Religious people try to put every problem into a box labeled 5 Steps to conquering your problem, but it is just filled with legalisms and vacant spiritual platitudes that leave the partaker more empty than when they first reached into the box.

Honesty in our lives releases the possibility of costly grace; costly in that Jesus did die so that you and I could have true peace and real relationship with God our Father. It is costly in that we will have to give up on our comfortable delusions to experience the fruit of honesty, but then again isn’t the fruit honesty in our lives worth it?